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Black women have told me it's because I'm a sellout.

The white men who can get past the mental anguish of my black penis tarnishing "their" women think I'm making some latent admission that their race has the most attractive women.

Is it the media that refuse to let Chinese men become one the next Harrison Ford or Cary Grant, that iconic sexy and strong leading man? Whatever it is, it’s obviously these people who have the problem, and not you.

The guys might be threatened by seeing you with an Asian guy, someone they always figured they could somehow “out-do” to get the attention of a girl like you.

I can't say that my own mother has never asked, "When are you going to bring home a girl who looks like me?

" Running around with white girls comes across as a rejection of your blackness to the women in your family, even though that wasn't the case. The girls who showed me the most attention at school were white.

a Japanese gay guy I know ONLY dates Black men, but no one criticizes his taste.

Or, if the reaction is not totally negative, they are always INVASIVELY curious about every aspect of our relationship. Women are more polite, but shake their heads as if to say “what a waste.” Even my girlfriends who are Taiwanese don’t like asian men..

I used to get really angry about the injustice of it all, and I still get irked from time to time.

But then I remember the words of my husband’s favorite Chinese idiom — 勇往直前 [yǒngwǎngzhíqián], or “courageously move forward.” Sometimes, that’s the most audacious thing that we can do, to simply live life to the fullest, in spite of the negativity.

A racist jury acquitted his murderers, Roy Bryant and J. Milam, despite overwhelming evidence, and, to rub salt in the wound, both admitted to killing Till in magazine the next year. The shoe was on the other foot for once and so be it if two white people wound up dead. That's harsh, but that's the historical context of black men dating white women that I unfortunately have to consider when doing the same. Even then, I understood that it was racial, but there was a disconnection from my personal reality. Whatever I learned from the trial was tucked away as something that I should know as a black man, but it didn't have a life-altering impact on my own development. For whatever implications the trial had, that shit also had nothing to do with me. My attraction to them was likely a natural response to my environment. Nobody was trying to assimilate with white people, but sometimes that's just the way things go when you want a better home and better schools for your family.

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